Truly Alive In My HOME

My recent post, Willingness… To Do What?, was about how I am choosing to be “willing” this year.  Willing to do what?  Well, many things actually.  My list of big things I am “willing” to do include to practice more patience, be more focused and a super biggy – finish my book.  Heck I’m even willing to cuss less when playing Spades on my IPad (my imaginary partner, Megan really makes D.U.M.B. moves over and over!)  Most importantly, I am willing to be me in all the areas of my life, no longer afraid to completely expose myself.

As a young girl I “felt” there was something I was supposed to do.  Perhaps many of you knew as kids or teenagers what your vocation in life would be.  I had no clue, only that there was something.  At the same time while growing up, I was a good Catholic.  I used my Rosary, went to Confession and Communion regularly and devoutly prayed daily.  It must have been weird because I’ll never forget one time I overheard my mother telling my grandmother (my dear Nana) that she was afraid I might become a Nun.  In my child’s mind I deduced that I was too religious.  Well, I’m here to tell you my mother worried for naught – I love physical intimacy way too much to be celibate (sorry kids but it’s the truth)!  Through the years I did stay for want of a better word “religious”.  In college I joined Campus Crusade.  As a married adult I was always active in church.  But for all the years and the various stages of my life my faith participation was in mainstream ways that kept me “safe”.  Even my “then” husband kept me in check.  To this day I can still remember him parking at church with our three kids in the back seat each Sunday.  More often than not after turning off the car engine he would turn and look at me.  He would then gently pat my leg and say, “ Now baby, you know you learn a lot more when you listen so please don’t speak up in Sunday school.”  Not speaking up kept me safe from potential criticism (at home and everywhere else) so I would stifle myself, certain that he was lovingly telling me I was too opinionated, particularly when it came to my faith.  Call it poor self-esteem if you want but I somehow saw my devoutness as a negative and wished I could be looser and more fun.  (Silly me!)

Understand that I’m not looking for sympathy here.  I don’t for a second blame either one of them for making me feel like whom I really was needed some toning down.  I’m the one who chose to take their words and let them affect me in a negative way to the point that I kept my deeply spiritual nature at bay.

Beginning at the age of 40 serious trauma-drama began to creep into my life over and over again.  Each new challenge strengthened my faith only I still kept my spirituality somewhat to myself.  So, I guess I had to get a huge roadside flare to get my attention.  That flare came on December 6, 2006 in the form of a woman from my past suddenly there to expose stuff.  To this day I am grateful for her and the far-reaching tentacles of consequences her talk with me created.  Many things in my life changed at that point and I truly, truly began to open up and express my spiritual side.  I started a Blog.  However, even with my Blog I was gingerly showing my true self trying to be ever so subtle with expressing my views.

All that changed when I received the email from Lori.  Lori’s word for me, “WILLINGNESS” reinforced the voice I had been hearing in my head for several months telling me to put myself out there once and for all.  I call it coming out of the closet because to me, I am choosing to tell the truth about myself much like others do when they have something important to say about themselves that they are afraid to share but can’t hold in any longer.  So here’s what I’m willing to say…

I am a deeply spiritual human being. I believe that my body is a vessel for my Soul.  I believe that this vessel should be as free of negative things like anger, hostility, jealousy and fear as possible to honor my Soul.  I believe that my Soul is more important than my Ego.  I passionately believe in God, the Universe and yes, even Angels.  I believe in goodness and want to be an active participant in spreading it.  Though I view myself as a simple Soul, I am an “Old Soul” with a deep understanding of things.  I believe that I have a purpose in life that is meant to be for the greater good of mankind.  I believe that I am a healer and have the gift of healing with my words.  I also believe I have the ability to heal through creating beauty spatially and when I work in people’s homes as a Decorator I feel the energy and know where it needs to be balanced.  I have no desire to attach myself to any specific denomination or creed, as I believe my purpose is to include rather than exclude.  While I will not hold tight to religious rules and regulations, I spend much of my time in prayer and would put on my Bucket List a chance to go on a pilgrimage journey.  (By the way I have no real clue what I mean by that – just that my heart and Soul yearn for it.)  I believe that our world is a changing and people like me want to show a better way through love and care.  I believe that Peace is attainable.  I believe that Love is attainable.  I believe that Harmony is attainable.  It is all a matter of choice.  Most of all my spirituality is part of every moment of every day and at the end of each day my hope is that it has shown in all my actions and yes, reactions to my life’s journey that day – including what I write on my Blog.

I read something the other day that really spoke to me.  “Many of us are struggling to stay true to what we know is the right way for us to be.”  That’s how I was for over 56 years.  I struggled with who I am because I thought I was weird.  No longer.  The rest of the time I have here on this earth I’ll be truly alive in my Home, my vessel for my Soul.  I’m finally free to be me.  Oh and after all these years I’ve figured out what I’m supposed to do as my vocation in life – encourage and promote Peace, Love and Harmony.

To being alive…

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Jamie Balzer

About Jamie Balzer

Jamie has worked in the field of interior decorating for over 10 years and has owned B&A Interiors, LLC for almost as long. Partnered with her daughter, Sammi Blake, Jamie has been honored to work in homes and businesses across the country. Knowledge and experience is but part of what she has to offer. As a young girl, Jamie intuitively understood that the placement of things, the color of things, and the arrangement of things evoke certain feelings. Working together with this knowledge, experience and intuition Jamie has answered the call to her life’s purpose- teaching the spiritual truth of what she believes- “Everything begins in the home”. As a branch of B&A Interiors, LLC, Living In Perfect Harmony emerged to teach her philosophy. Jamie believes, “if you live peacefully and beautifully at home, you are well, your family is well and that helps to make the world a better place”. Jamie's most passionate role is as a mother and grandmother. Jamie currently lives and works in the Chicago area but also continues her business in Charlotte, NC as both a decorator and a homespace coach. She is certified in Reiki Therapy which she believes broadens her success as a homespace coach. Jamie is available for private consultations, lectures and seminars.

20 thoughts on “Truly Alive In My HOME

    • Jackie, good grief, I cannot believe you found the time to read my Blog and make a comment. You are just home from the hospital with baby number 3- sweet Ruby! I cannot wait to meet her. And I am so thrilled to know you share in the desire for a world full of peace, love and harmony! Love to you today and every day dear niece!

  1. Stay strong and faithful Jamie. Your entry gives me the sense that you have found your balance. Others will be blessed by your courage and determination.
    Have a fabulous day…enjoy the beautiful snow and cozy of this winter day!

    • Debra, I chuckled when I read your comment and am so sorry it is late in the day to respond. I chuckled because this morning at 5:15 my David and I were out shoveling snow- he in his suit and dress shoes and I with heels on. I had an early plane to catch to travel for work. So much for a cozy day inside enjoying the winter wonderland we in Chicago finally had! Yes, absolutely positively I have found my balance and boy oh boy is it a wonderful feeling. As I wrote in this post, I am stirred to share what I have experienced so others can identify with the beauty life has for us if we are only willing to see it and enjoy it. Thank you as always for reading and writing your comment to the post. What a gift to me!

  2. What a lovely post! I resonate with so much of what you are saying. I think a lot of us were stifled as children. Our opinions and thoughts were never allowed to be expressed. So we developed the “need to please” personality, and then it really can be difficult once we start over thinking what we’re “supposed” to say, how we’re supposed to react, and mentally monitoring everybody’s reactions to us for clues as to whether or not we’re getting it right. I’m also exploring who I really am, and I just love the quote you shared about struggling to stay true. And I’ve been thinking a lot about “willingness” after last week’s post. Thank you dear friend for once again opening another new door for me!

    • Thank you Sue. And as always, thank you for the wonderful image of the cardinal you gave me for this post. I love birds – of any kind actually as they speak of the freedom of flying. My journey of life, all the trauma- drama finally gave me the courage to spread my wings and fly freely. So, many times on my Blog I post images of birds as symbols of myself – especialy the eagle I have on my LIPH FB Fanpage. So thank you once again for sharing your awesome talent with me! You and I have talked many times about how we became the people we thought we were supposed to. We have said to each other that in doing so we allowed ourselves to feel secure in this knowing what our “place” was. Boy, what a false security we found this to be because we found out that it was truly a facade and the real person needed to show through. Kudos to you for digging down deep and exploring the real you. You deserve it so keep doing it! Not only will you be more content at the end of each day but, you will be modeling to others and saying, “Hey, I’m worth being me!”

  3. Jamie. Thank you for being my voice too. I have had other people say my thoughts before. I guess my assignment is to begin to develop my own voice.
    Learning to share yourself means you have to know yourself and then be willing to start somewhere.
    Although I consider myself still on a journey of learning, I remember well when those first inklings of speaking up begin. I would physically feel it with perspiration and red face, and a shaky voice. It still happens at times.
    One of the best exercises I had once in a safe environment of sharing, was to make a collage of myself and then share it with the group. I begin to let people know who I was and even more importantly I begin to want people to know who I was. My journey of self learning also included a poetry class and a bible study to begin to express the spiritual being longing to get out.
    Again, back to being willing to be willing. You never know what will happen when put yourself out there.
    A saying that I have lived by I learned in high school. I was studying the great books. Like you I was an old soul. Way too serious. I am much more fun now!
    Ben Johnson I think was his name said” born originals, how does it come to pass that we die copies”
    I believe in angels too and you are one of my angels in my life.

    • Wow Lori, I have read this and reread it today and this evening. So much to ponder. I do hope readers really, really take the time to read the comments as each and every one is a new jewel to enjoy. I so love the quote you remember from high school and it really is true for most of us. We begin as children so unique and uninhibited in who we are so how come we end up trying to constantly conform to the norm by the time we hit middle school? I knew the first day I met you that you,too were an Old Soul. Yes, we are both more fun now but at the same time I think we were gifted with deeper knowing- painful at times through the years but if asked I am sure you would agree that you wouldn’t want to be any other way. Easy to say now though right?!?

      I will end this comment circling back to your gift to me on January 16th with your email word for me of “WILLINGNESS”. Willing to be willing – enough said…

    • Thank you so much Maggie for such a sweet comment. Honestly, the voice in my head got to the point of nagging me to just put myself out there once and for all. Seriously, one day I answered the voice out loud (while walking in nature) and I realized I answered by saying, ” Alright then, it sure hasn’t been working for me any other way.”. So, I opened up and there is no looking back. I feel amazingly free and unburdened. What an incredible thing to know I am comfortable and I am proud of my spirituality and my deep yearning for all things goods. Have a blissful day Maggie!

  4. You’re back and better than ever! Open and honest. So many times we do what others expect of us instead of what we deserve to do for ourselves. We tend to lose ourselves in the shadows of others expectations.

    Looking forward to many more eye opening posts!

    • So sweet of you Crystal to say this! And yes, I decided the best way for me to express myself is to be completely open and honest about what I’ve experienced in all forms – the good, the bad and the ugly. Perhaps that is a lesson for others- if my words truly are better than ever it is testimony to being authentic. WOW! And what a profound last statement you made. Yes, many of us do lose ourselves in the shadows of other’s expectations. So readers out there, if this statement hits you in the gut- maybe it is speaking to you. Become your true self and shine!

  5. So excited for you! And I don’t think it’s coincidence that your last two posts are some of your best ever!
    I absolutely love the quote about staying true to what is the right way to be. How profound that it says “right way to be” and not “who we are”. So many of us “are” someone who doesn’t even resemble the soul suffocating inside of us. In working with teenagers, I see this all around me and it breaks my heart. Unfortunately it is learned from the adults around them. I find it so ironic that in a society that is supposed to embrace differences, most people are too afraid to be true to their most authentic selves for fear of rejection. We put on masks, hide behind falsities, and then wonder why we feel so empty.
    Thank you for your willingness to put yourself out there. You are sure to inspire many others!

    • Lindsay, thanks so much for commenting! And wow, I’m thrilled that both my recent posts speak to you. Yes, our society sends very mixed messages in so many ways about being unique individuals. One simply needs to look at the bullying problems on so many school playgrounds or in the halls of high schools to know that it is difficult to be different. And I love the words you chose when you wrote about the suffocating souls some of us carry inside us. Looking back that describes my soul to a T. And no doubt, the voice I kept hearing in my head these last few months was advocating for my soul. I can remember the shift when I say, “Alright, I’ll be me.”. What a relief and oddly enough, it was so easy. Now there’s no looking back. I fervently pray that others that read my words feel a shift begin in them if it is so needed. Truly, to be authentic is what each of us deserves. Dear readers out there, honor yourselves with embracing who you are. And while you’re at it, spread a little love.

      Lindsay, I am so looking forward to your guest post coming up tomorrow about the gift of Rainbows you have been experiencing.

      Much love to you today, always and forever my dear Godchild!

  6. Your blog on “Willingness” is huge – I think being open with your own life says it all. I have always been pretty good at protecting my inner self from the barbs of life. I felt that was a strong point and showed courage – but I also know it surrounds one like a fence. Maybe I need to have a few more openings in my fence. Open heart policy – that takes courage.
    joy Stark

    • Joy, I love all the imagery you conjure up in this comment. “Barbs of life”, yes that is a perfect way to describe many of the tough times and circumstances we find ourselves in. Putting up a fence to protect ourselves seems the right thing to do – only while on the surface we are protecting ourselves, we inadvertently keep so much good stuff from coming in as well. Truth be told we all travel rough, rocky, curvy roads (or at least many of us do). Certainly my road has been a doozie to go down. Hence the awakening to the revelation that I needed to become outwardly authentic to my soul. I figured it couldn’t possibly make things any worse so why not give in to my fears of exposure and just do it. Though my road has no fewer potholes and curves, I have a more focused grip on the wheel, a clearer view of the horizon and one huge smile on my face. I do indeed hope that my honest and heartfelt expression of myself encourages others to do the same. Who knows, perhaps many of us will be getting reacquainted with each other. What an interesting thought!

      Thank you as always for commenting. Have a blissful day!

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