Everyday Wit and Wisdom from “The Domestic Diva”

Just to give you a little background, Crystal Balzer is my nephew Craig’s wife.  Yep, she is one of the out-laws we Balzers’ fondly talk of.  Anyway, about a year or so ago I started following Crystal on her personal Facebook page.  She had no idea I was doing this but, I started writing down her “one-liners” that she would randomly post on her page about life and times in the fast lane of raising children.  I would keep this growing list of quips on my office desk to refer to throughout the day for bits of humor.  Seriously, some of her one-liners reminded me of exactly what life was like for me raising my own three kids, only she could capture it in a way that would make me tear up both from laughter as well as the walk down memory lane.  Crystal is a stay-at-home Mom and with little adult interaction throughout the day, her cell phone Facebook capabilities have become her way to process her day-to-day life with the kids.  Something happens – there is no one to share it with – so she picks up her cell phone and expresses her feelings on Facebook.  What those of us that read her comments get is a chuckle for the day!  And as Patti Baron Schreiber wrote in the post, Strive to Thrive, we all need more doses of fun.  Thanks Crystal for helping to put playfulness and humor in our lives!

Crystal- now she is a gifted one.  And, I don’t think she even realizes it.  So….

I decided that I just had to invite her to be on my blog. At first her place was a weekly spot on my Facebook Fanpage.  Turns out, I just couldn’t leave her there as so many of you blog readers don’t “like” my fanpage (hint-hint) and I want you to enjoy her as well. So, I am bringing Crystal to you.  I hope you enjoy her thoughts on everything from surfing the rough waters of marriage, to raising kids, to cleaning house, to gardening and to volunteering.  (All of it is much more difficult than it seems on the surface but, she turns it into so much fun!)

Humor with wisdom.

The perfect team.

Here comes Crystal.  I hope you enjoy this first post of her ”Everyday wit and wisdom”.

On marriage:

Time to clean

Helping with the chores!

“You be my sunny day, I’ll be your shade tree.”

“The people on those eHarmony commercials have clearly not had to clean up after or unfold sock balls for someone.”

“Please do not clean your toenails with my tweezers while sitting next to me on the couch.”

“Did you really just text me asking where the TV remote is and then ask if I took it with me?  Yep, that’s what I do, stash things in my pocket every time I leave the house!”

“You have your own side of the counter with your own sink, there is no need to spit in my side!”

On being a stay-at-home Mom:

“Whichever kid brings me coffee in bed this morning will be my favorite for the day.”

“I think the kids must be eating band-aids, they are disappearing as fast as the cereal around here.”

Where’s the party?

Where’s the party?

“I won’t touch your monster truck if you won’t touch my vacuum cleaner.”

“We don’t own a hamster so I don’t know why Ryleigh’s room smells like one.”

“Uggg…sugar is white until the kids spill it all over the floor, then it suddenly becomes invisible and crunchy.”

“Dear vinegar, why must you be such a great natural cleaner but smell so horrible?”

“I don’t care if you are playing ‘puppies’ or not, do not put a leash on your brother.”

“Please excuse me and the kids if you see us out today, apparently none of us looked in the mirror when we left the house.”

“When in doubt…bubbles and homemade popsicles.”

On kids and parenting:

Ryleigh's silly hat day

I love my hat!

“Show them through your actions…not your reactions.”

“Kids have been gone for a couple days, why do I still find myself checking for movies on the Disney Channel?”

“Quiet time is code for…mommy needs a break.”

“Becoming a parent often means cleaning up messes you didn’t make.”

“One day they will realize it’s for their own good…I just hope I am sitting by the phone when they call to tell me I’m right.”

“Always kiss your kids goodnight…even if they are already asleep.”

On life:

Going to grandma's

Going to Grammi’s!

“If you love it…it will grow.”

“Sometimes the best blessings are the ones we never knew we needed.”

“My ‘to do’ list needs to be renamed ‘what I should be doing but I’m procrastinating’ list.”

“Bra shopping can sure depress a girl…”

“Seasons come and go but I will never change.”

 

Have a wonderful humor filled day and while you are at it, get out there and play…

6 thoughts on “Everyday Wit and Wisdom from “The Domestic Diva”

  1. I love these! Crystal is just so awesome! Reading her statuses on Facebook almost always bring a smile to my face. So glad I met her. And I’m very glad you are introducing her to your blog readers. :)

    • Lesley, you are too sweet. I am also glad I met you, otherwise my house would be filled with clothes that I can no longer squeeze my kids into!

    • Joy, Thank You for taking the time to read a glimpse into my daily life with 2 wild kids, a crazy Boxer dog and a hardworking husband, all of whom think I was born to follow them with the vacuum cleaner and a clean pair of socks….and I wouldn’t trade them for the world!

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