Our Homes Must Express Our True Essence

I know this to be true. Further, I believe that often our homespace does not match our true selves.

This happens for various reasons. Here are a few:

  • We are out of balance with who we really are.
  • We live and define our homespace by someone else’s standards.
  • We are insecure in our true selves and stifle our unique expression in our homespace décor.

How do I know this to be true?

I have experienced it myself. Let me explain…

A few weeks after my husband decided to separate and move out of our family home (shortly before my 40th birthday-ouch), I had landscapers come remove an enormous river birch that was overtaking and overshadowing the front of our house. We had planted it as a small tree several years earlier not realizing how quickly it would grow. Well, it soon came to resemble Jack’s beanstalk. Seriously, it was so tall that it reached for the clouds.

This tree had become an eye sore to me and I had complained about it to my husband for quite some time before our separation. This had always fallen on deaf ears SO, once my husband decided to leave, DOWN came the tree.

Empowerment feels wonderful.

It was like a Mary Tyler Moore moment for me when she looked skyward in the opening clip of her TV show years ago and threw off her hat. Empowerment at its finest for me! And, symbolically just as the tree came down to open up the beauty of my home, I began to open up and slowly become more authentically who I am.
Next came the new built-in bookcases in the living room to transform the space into a reading room…

I guess you can say that up until the river birch came down, I had never expressed my true essence in the décor of my home. Quite frankly, for years I had been guilty of succumbing to all the reasons I listed above in creating my homespace.

Not anymore. I was beginning to blossom.

Much more happened to me besides beginning to express my true self through the décor of my home.

Everything happens for a reason.

I believe there are no coincidences. I believe there are no accidents. I believe that everything happens for a reason. Out of every situation you can find a teachable moment.

My true path opened up for me after my divorce and several other devastating situations. I call these types of experiences “trauma-drama” because that is what they are: trauma because of the horrific feelings and fall-out that accompany these difficult situations, drama because of the fact that there is usually way too much of it in the situation.


What I came to discover is that each of these situations helped to teach me who I really am. In the worst experiences of my life I have learned the most. I have even built a career out of it and now live my passion.

All of us can do this. All of us can take these extremely difficult times and make them positive. Use your homespace as a means to help and support you in doing this.

Let your home be the outward manifestation of your true self.

When your homespace is not in balance with your true self there is always something that feels a little off. It is as if you are trying to be comfortable in a sweater that just doesn’t fit you right. It doesn’t work.

Take this moment to begin to look at your homespace. Ask yourself the question, “Is this really me?”

If not, consider reconstruction of your homespace- what I call “The Four R’s” of reconstruction:

  1. Redefine
  2. Redesign
  3. Renovate
  4. Refine

Look for later articles on “The Four R’s” and by the way, the same techniques can be applied to reconstructing your inner self as I explain in my upcoming book, “And so… The Shadow Woman Emerged”!

One thought…

Your homespace should be as unique as those who dwell within it.

Feel empowered…

Photo credit: Susan Muehl